Life Happens

It hits the fan #

My last post was entitled “The Plan”. Perhaps it should have been titled “The Suggestion.”

I’m a father of three, all 5 and under. My stay-at-home wife has an arm that’s been giving her trouble since last July. And I have issues with sleep. Needless to say, as per the title of this article and section, sometimes life happens, and fecal matter hits the fan.

What to do when life happens? I don’t have a foolproof plan. I do, however, have some ideas.

1. Try to be prepared for the unexpected, especially when you expect it. #

There are times when life decides to take a nice healthy dump on our situation without us ever seeing it coming. One minute we’re watching Golden Girls on the couch and the next - BOOM - turd in the living room. Sudden deaths in the family, car crashes, natural disasters - there’s always something that can hit you out of nowhere. Then there are other times when yellow flags can be seen just before the red ones. That is to say, sometimes horrible events can be predicted. Job loss, moving costs, that dreaded season that flowers sprout mocking the ill-health it forebodes for your asthmatic children, etc.

For those yellow-flag times, try to have some savings built up. Dave Ramsey (yes, some of the stuff he says has some merit) recommends finding the amount of money you spend in a month and having 3 to 6 times that amount saved. This gives you 3 to 6 months in case you need to take a leave of absence from work for whatever reason, or you need to make an emergency purchase. Just don’t forget to replenish the savings after you get to a better place.

2. Reach out to friends and family #

In addition to using your monetary savings, reach out to friends and relatives to see if they could help you when the worst happens, and not just with money. Emotional support is sometimes more needed than monetary support. Don’t expect anything because of past good you have done, but humbly come to those you are close to.

3. Reach out to the community #

If you are religious, consider reaching out to your local religious institutions for resources, both monetary and emotional. They may also be able to point you in the right direction of finding 3rd-party resources you weren’t aware of. Look online for events and groups in your area that might be giving out free meals or supplies.

When my family has struggled in the past for money, we’ve used government resources and community free events/food pantries to get what we need to get by. Government resources are funded by your tax dollars, and you should always be donating what you don’t need or use (or even things you normally would use, but know someone else could use more) to charities and the community for those in need. You never know when one of those people might be you.

4. Throw out shame #

The one thing that seems the hardest to deal with, especially for those unfamiliar with being in need, is the intense shame. We often prevent ourselves from seeking help due to our feelings of failure. This idea of failing produces shame and can be a huge barrier in seeking help. The problem is that your survival means throwing out shame, for now. It’s okay to feel shame in certain things, but not in seeking help when you truly need it. There’s nothing shameful about that. And many people are willing to help someone truly in need.

5. Keep moving forward #

Though shame needs to be removed, there’s no reason you should remain in the position you are in. Set your sights on an achievable goal that will benefit your situation and strive for it. This is easy when the fan-hitting occurred due to job loss or car crash, but when the difficulty is when a close friend or loved one dies, the next step is often something more personal and hard to pin down. It may be going through their things or forgiving someone who wronged you. Regardless of the goal, try to find one. It may just be getting up out of bed that day. Set the goal, do it, and keep moving to the next one.

If your situation is due to someone else, try to move toward forgiveness. Never forget the pain you’ve been through, but try to forgive those who may have caused it. It’s pointless to hold the grudges that settle in our chests and furrow our brows when we could be breathing deeply and smiling in spite of those who set us back. We hurt ourselves more when we refuse to move on. So keep moving forward.

6. Give back #

When life stops happening to you and you start to happen to life, don’t forget to use those feet that are now under you to take steps to help others. Give to charities that gave to you. Tell others about resources you used when you were in need or struggling. Be there for people who experience grief and loss. Don’t forget to give back to yourself either. Re-invest new money in savings and prep for something that might come next.

New Normal #

Life happens. It’s unavoidable. The good news is that when we have our downs, we often start to appreciate the things that make life so special. As the old saying goes, when you hit the bottom, there’s nowhere to go but up. You will have your ups again. Reach out to your network, forget your shame, and set your goals. Finally, when you go up, don’t forget to help others who are down.

May God Bless you.